
Most weddings in the United States follow a similar pattern to the Italian wedding. It traditionally follows the white wedding type (see also Wedding types below), which originates from the white color of the bride's wedding dress, but refers to an entire wedding routine. Customs and traditions vary, but common components are listed below.
Before the Wedding
-The host sends invitations to the wedding guests, usually
one to two months before the wedding. Invitations may most formally be addressed
by hand to show the importance and personal meaning of the occasion. Large
numbers of invitations may be mechanically reproduced. As engraving was
the highest quality printing technology available in the past, this has
become associated with wedding invitation tradition. Receiving an invitation
does not impose any obligation on the invitee other than promptly accepting
or declining the invitation, and offering congratulations to the couple.
-While giving any gift to the newlywed couple is technically optional, nearly
all invited guests who attend the wedding choose to do so.
-A color scheme is selected by some to match everything from bridesmaids'
dresses, flowers, invitations, and decorations, though there is no necessity
in doing so.
At the Wedding
-A wedding ceremony may take place anywhere, but often a church,
courthouse, or outdoor venue. The ceremony may be dictated by the couple's
religious practices. The most common non-religious form is derived from
a simple Anglican ceremony in the Book of Common Prayer, and can be performed
in less than ten minutes, although it is often extended by inserting music
or speeches. Because of its brevity, guests who arrive late may miss the
ceremony entirely.
-American brides usually wear a white, off-white, silver, or other very
light-colored dress, particularly at their first marriage. Brides may choose
any color, although black is strongly discouraged by some as it is the color
of mourning in the west.
-Uncooked rice is sometimes thrown at the newlyweds as they leave the ceremony
to symbolize fertility. Some individuals, churches or communities choose
birdseed due to a false but widely believed myth that birds eating the rice
will burst. Because of the mess that rice and birdseed make, modern couples
often leave in clouds of bubbles.
-The wedding party may form a receiving line at this point, or later at
a wedding reception, so that each guest may briefly greet the entire wedding
party.
At the Reception
-Drinks, snacks, or perhaps a full meal, especially at long
receptions, are served while the guests and wedding party mingle.
-Often, best men and/or maids of honor will toast newlyweds with personal
thoughts, stories, and well-wishes; sometimes other guests follow with their
own toasts. Champagne is usually provided for this purpose.
-In a symbolic cutting of the wedding cake, the couple may jointly hold
a cake knife and cut the first pieces of the wedding cake, which they feed
to each other. In some sub-cultures, they may deliberately smear cake on
each other's faces, which is considered vulgar elsewhere.
-If dancing is offered, the newlyweds first dance together briefly. Sometimes
a further protocol is followed, wherein each dances next with a parent,
and then possibly with other members of the wedding party. Special songs
are chosen by the couple, particularly for a mother/son dance and a father/daughter
dance. In some subcultures, a dollar dance takes place in which guests are
expected to dance with the one of the newlyweds, and give them a small amount
of cash. This practice, as is any suggestion that the guests owe money to
the couple, is considered rude in most social groups as it is contrary to
basic western etiquette.
-In the mid-twentieth century it became common for a bride to toss her bouquet
over her shoulder to the assembled unmarried women during the reception.
The woman who catches it, superstition has it, will be the next to marry.
In a similar process, her groom tosses the bride's garter to the unmarried
men, followed by the man who caught the garter placing it on the leg of
the woman who caught the bouquet. While still common in many circles, these
practices (particularly the latter) are falling into less favor in the 21st
century.
Wedding Gifts
The purpose of inviting guests is to have them witness a
couple's marriage ceremony and vows and to share in their joy and celebration.
Gifts for the wedding couple are optional, although most guests attempt
to give at least a token gift of their best wishes. Some couples and families
feel, contrary to proper etiquette, that in return for the expense they
put into entertaining and feeding their guests, the guests should pay them
with similarly expensive gifts or cash.
The couple often registers for gifts at a store well in advance of their
wedding. This allows them to create a list of household items, usually including
china, silverware and crystalware, linens or other fabrics, pots and pans,
etc. Registries are intended to aid guests in selecting gifts the newlyweds
truly want, and the service is sufficiently profitable that most retailers,
from luxury shops to discount stores, offer the opportunity. Registry information
should, according to etiquette, be provided only to guests upon direct request,
and never included in the invitation. Some couples additionally or instead
register with services that enable money gifts intended to fund items such
as a honeymoon, home purchase or college fund. Some find bridal registries
inappropriate as they contravene traditional notions behind gifts, such
as that all gifts are optional and delightful surprises personally chosen
by the giver, and that registries lead to a type of price-based competition,
as the couple knows the cost of each gift. Traditionally, weddings were
considered a personal event and inviting people to the wedding who are not
known to at least one member of the couple well enough to be able to choose
an appropriate gift was considered inappropriate, and registries should
therefore be unnecessary. Whether considered appropriate or not, others
believe that weddings are opportunities to extract funds or specific gifts
from as many people as possible, and that even an invitation carries an
expectation of monetary reward rather than merely congratulations.
Letters of thanks for any gift are traditionally sent promptly after the
gift's receipt. Tradition allows wedding gifts to be sent up to a year after
the wedding date. Thanks should be sent as soon as possible, preferably
within two weeks.
African-American
Jumping the broom developed out West African Asante custom.
The broom in Ashanti and other Akan cultures also held spiritual value and
symbolized sweeping away past wrongs or warding off evil spirits. Brooms
were waved over the heads of marrying couples to ward off spirits. The couple
would often but not always jump over the broom at the end of the ceremony.
The custom took on additional significance in the context of slavery in
the United States. Slaves had no right to legal marriage; slaveholders considered
slaves property and feared that legal marriage and family bonds had the
potential to lead to organization and revolt. Marriage rituals, however,
were important events to the Africans, who came in many cases come from
richly ceremonial African cultures.
Taking marriage vows in the presence of a witness and then leaping over
the handle of a broom became the common practice to create a recognized
union. Brooms are also symbols of the hearth, the center of the new family
being created. Jumping the broom has become a practice in many modern weddings
between African Americans.
There are also traditions of broom jumping in Europe, in the Wicca and Celtic
communities especially. They are probably unconnected with the African practice.